It's all about LOVE

Many of us live under the delusion that arranged marriages just don’t happen anymore, but they do – I know many of my friends going the arranged way including me. Your parents, relatives, friends and these matrimonial websites are just a medium through which you meet your soul mate. Even when you date someone, you meet your date through some medium – at a wedding, at a friend’s party or at your workplace. Arranged marriages are no different. You get enough time to know the person and then decide. Your parents fix up the coffee date. Rather these coffee dates come with a purpose unlike the casual dates. I’m someone who is equally comfortable with the concept of love as well as arranged marriage because I believe that ultimately, both have love which decides if you want to have your happily ever after with this ‘one’ person.

Must say, this groom hunting phase is absolutely crazy. I log into my shaadi.com account more than my facebook. But am happy that I have been given full freedom to decide everything and I have got the coolest parents I could have asked for : ) which actually doesn’t make this phase stressful. I get surprised by people who are embarrassed to admit that they have their profiles on these websites. What is there to be embarrassed about? It’s simple – Am not in a relationship and I am looking for someone who can make life even more beautiful and bring stability to my life. 

I also fail to understand what is it that love marriage has and an arranged marriage lacks. And it’s funny how people rush to Google for help in every matter. It’s your relationship, you can handle it better than Google and can you really apply the same formula to all the guys you meet or even to the relationships when we know all human beings are unique? Same goes with these coffee dates – you cannot prepare for them. Each guy or girl you meet is going to be different and it will be in your best interest to be yourself because you cannot pretend to be what you are not for all your life cos this is the guy you will wake up next to every morning. Don’t give those standard answers just to make it look like you’re a 'good girl' because good girls are nothing but honest. 

Though Google isn't the answer but before you meet the guy, it is always good to look for him on social networking sites so that you have an idea about him and it is always good to ask your mutual friends, if you happen to have any about the guy. 

Lot of girls are nervous on these coffee dates. Even I was on my first coffee date for this arranged marriage thingy. And with all these dates, you’ll realise that some guys would just not let you feel that you’re meeting a stranger. A guy who makes the girl feel comfortable and accepts that it’s okay to get nervous, would probably prove to be a better partner because he isn’t being judgmental and in fact, he is making an attempt to know you. And darling, you have every right to be nervous around a stranger. Wear something you are comfortable in but is smart at the same time because when we meet someone we look at their outward appearance but at the subconscious level we analyse their behaviour. So if you are conscious about what you're wearing then you would spoil your chances of finding your Mr. Close-enough-to-perfect and avoid make-up, let the guy like the real you. 

Decide on a place where both of you're comfortable or just meet and then decide where to go. Just hang around, spend time as if you're friends meeting after ages and unaware whats happening in each other's life. It works! : )

and then comes the most commonly asked question – what are you looking for in your partner? Well, I don’t have a list. I seriously don’t. Someone who is well educated, and hails from a reputed family – that’s it. But that’s not all : ) Some people just focus on tallying their needs versus what the guy is made of and if it all tallies, they go for the guy – just doesn’t work out like that for me. I need to fall for the guy. Someone who can sweep me off my feet and who also goes head over heels for me. If I love the guy then he’ll be the core of my existence. I would leave it to my instincts; I feel my heart will call out if he is the right man. I hold my heart in a crystal ball and prize it above everything else as it’s the source of all my emotions. All I need in love is an assurance that my man would be besides me always. So if you have a list of expectations, let him know. 

My idea of perfect love is a relationship where two people grow together and where there is lot of comfort and understanding. Also, there should be lot of respect. A little leeway should be allowed to each other in every relationship. Too much dose of love and care can prove to be fatal to your relationship. I am pragmatic and believe in independence but I am someone who would be happy to have my man’s support. I would want him to be protective but not possessive, that makes me feel claustrophobic. Rather that would make anyone feel that ways. Someone who can lend me his strong shoulder to lean on and a protective cocoon to live in. I dislike Doubting Thomases especially when my emotions and sincerity are at stake. We all want to be trusted. Family is the centre of my life. In spite of ambition and drive, I prefer being with them. I am someone who looks for inner satisfaction in my career and not money.

By temperament, I’m not the most conventional romantic. I cant imagine myself giving cards and flowers, but I might just cook something you love to make your weekends, I might stay up all night just to give you company cos you’re working on something important. On the other hand, I strongly believe in love and fairy tales and it does sound stupid to many men but that’s how it is for me and for many other girls. We are not as complicated as you guys think. We desire love that is enveloping, yet not overpowering. Some rather many people think fairy tales are only for girls. Really? Well, who wrote them? Many of these were men who came up with these fairy-tales. It’s the great male fantasy that all it takes is one dance to know she’s the one. All it takes is the sound of her song from the tower or look at her sleeping face. And sometimes, just the shoe that fits her right. And right away you know – this is the girl in your head, sleeping, dancing, singing in front of you. Yes, girls want their prince but am sure, boys want their princesses just as much. May be, they just don’t admit or it is against the macho laws society has created for them.

Each one of us is a star. Sometimes we shine with the rest. Sometimes we twinkle alone. Sometimes when we least know it, we make someone else’s wish come true. So girls, when you meet someone, keep it in your mind that you’ll be his dream come true. He is not going to find you special unless you feel the same about yourself : )

Be yourself and don’t be judgmental. People judge you by your profession. An MBA can make a good husband as much as an engineer or a lawyer. And remember, a man who doesn’t respect your profession, doesn’t deserve to be with you. Be patient, listen to what the other person has to say. Do not jump to conclusions. Let the other person know your expectations. Your first meeting might not tell you if you want to marry the guy but it will definitely give you a clarity on if it has the potential of turning into a life time relationship and should you be investing your time in knowing the guy more. Opposites attract – we all have heard that but when it comes to being with someone all your life – I don’t know if it works. I would go for someone who is like-minded so that we have a lot in common to enjoy life and with time, we will also start doing things we never liked doing.

First meeting is just the ice breaking session. See, if the guy brings out the real you and give you his undivided attention. To some, I might seem distant and formal and to some, I might be someone fun to hang around with. It just takes the right guy to bring out the ‘real’ you. I’m friendly once the ice is broken. Also, quite approachable but I’m capable of building a fortress around me and block people out. I am emotional as well as practical. That helps me maintain a balance and not go overboard with emotions. I might be submissive but I don’t get easily influenced. I’m not someone who gets jealous when it comes to relationships. If I do, I would dismiss my own jealousy pangs as mere annoyance and silliness. I am someone who would grow and improve myself than go green over what others have. I am a staunch believer in doing everything at least once, even if it’s something totally crazy. I dislike loud and bash behaviour, especially if it is about love, public display of love or affection is a big no-no. I like to keep it simple, subtle and of course, genuine.

Nobody can know everything about you in just one meeting. But if he is the guy then he will notice things that you might have never known about yourself. If you think, the guy might turn out be the one you would want to grow old with – spend time and get to know him more, your whole life depends on your decision. You happily ever after might just be closer than you think : )

Also, do not be too friendly. First be sure about your answer – yes or no. Though it’s an arranged marriage but there can be heartbreaks. Do not send across wrong signals if you haven’t yet made up your mind. It cannot be denied that you don’t get much time to decide in arranged marriages. But whatever little time you get, make the most of it.

And dear men, keep your slapstick comic jokes at home. Do not expect us to show our funny side in the very first meeting and tag us as ‘serious’ types. Try to match my grey cells and we can think about revealing the funny side to each other.

Parents have an absolutely different criterion when they are looking for a match for their son/daughter. Respect it but do not blindly follow what they have to say. You have to spend your life with that someone ‘special’, so you have to be sure if you see them as your better half/full.

And then another thing I don’t understand is when the very first question parents ask over the phone - Is your daughter fair? Is your daughter beautiful? Is your daughter tall? My educational qualifications, my inner beauty, my values at this point are not of prime importance. It’s not that I don’t want a good looking partner, who wouldn’t want one? But looks still matter more. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who goes gaga over my looks and doesn’t appreciate who I am.

And Does my being fair really important?

I never thought about being a brand ambassador for ‘fair and lovely’.

Do fair girls prove to be better life partners or better daughter-in-laws? Or how high are the chances with your son not being so fair or good looking of producing fair and cute babies? And wait a minute, why didn’t you produce one? Things would have been simple for me.

(That sounds rude, I know)

And why are you thinking about how your grand-children are going to be at this stage? Rather shouldn’t you be more worried about your son’s chemistry with the girl, else the biology will also fail and fair or not so fair, there will no babies.

Haven’t you heard? Beautiful things come in small packages : )

When will we learn to look beyond this set criterion – fair, tall, beautiful?

Our parents fail to understand us at times and at those times, we can’t even explain it to them. Beta, the boy is from a very reputed family, he is highly educated, he is everything that a girl would want in a guy. No, he has everything, you would want in your son-in-law but not everything I want in my guy. How do we explain it’s the chemistry that’s missing? Cos then your parents tell you, love eventually blossoms. Thankfully, my parents understand the chemistry part because they had a love marriage and they did date each other for couple of years before getting married. They don’t believe in matching horoscopes, they believe if two people are in love, no stars or planets can do anything.

The problem still remains. The chemistry part in arranged marriages cannot be explained to parents who have had a love marriage. Now here is where chemistry would make all the difference – you will one day be married and you will have to share your room with someone, that includes your bed too. You cannot deny but after few years, your family will expect you to have babies and then you cannot brush out the chemistry part. How is one suppose to make babies with someone who she doesn’t love or when there’s absolutely no chemistry between two people?

Your naked body belongs to the one who falls in love with your naked soul.

And remember, no film is every complete without the relationship drama and no relationship is good enough without the filmy drama J There are going to be ‘n’ number of girls prettier than you but you will just have to find that ‘one’ guy who doesn’t care and can seize your heart.

So girls, when the time will be right – you will know he’s the one : ) Till then, laugh at the mystery : )

Dump the aah’s and the umm’s. Do what you feel like. Drop the pretenses. Be the real you. Be the mad you. Be the crazy you. Be the awesome you.

and you must read this beautiful letter from a father to his 'little' one : ) You will absolutely love the way it's written - http://drkellyflanagan.com/2013/04/17/a-daddys-letter-to-his-little-girl-about-her-future-husband/

Love! xx

Happy 2014 : )

As another year comes to a close, take time to think about people in your life who made 2013 a little different. Without them, you wouldn’t have been what you are today. The experiences that shaped you into a better individual. Take time to say thank you, in writing if you can. A text or email won’t do. I feel, the magic that a paper and a pen can create cannot be created by typing it on a word pad. You have to feel the beautiful curls of the cursive to thank people from the bottom of your heart who loved you & made 2013 an incredible one for you and, see the ink bleed through the paper for those taught you few precious lessons. Sounds crazy, right? I mean, thanking those who didn’t make you happy. No. It isn’t crazy. I promise you won’t regret it as it will bring some clarity to your own life. It’ll set you free. Something both poignant and frightening about writing is its permanence. A heartfelt letter might be kept forever. If you choose to use your words for good, the recipient might find your thank you years later, at a time when they need encouragement, and maybe it’ll inspire them to do the same to someone else or to not do what shouldn’t have been done.

To me, this is the intrinsic beauty in writing. This is why I hope to make a career of this craft someday, so that I can use the power of the written word to make the world a bit happier of a place. Even if it’s just by brightening one person’s day or telling someone how wonderful they are. I’ll be glad that I could at least make few happy.

So I’d like to say one final thank you to those who strengthened my belief that world is a beautiful place and to those who didn’t let me forget that indeed it’s beautiful but nothing is perfect and things do go wrong, the beauty lies in getting up and having that big smile on face and think that from this moment, it can just get better : )

And like every year, one resolution – Whatever I choose, how many roads I travel, I hope that I never be dishonest.

The Cake I baked for NYE :)

A GLIMPSE OF 2013 and the years gone by : )

2013 has been a strange year after a happy 2012, academically and professionally. I would just call it an ‘okay’ year. I don’t know why.

Let’s say it taught a lot of lessons or may be, that’s a sign of growing up or maturity.

Few Things 2013 and the years gone by taught me:

1. Not everyone you meet is going to be honest. Trust yourself that when people lie to you, you will learn that it’s in your good interest to forgive them, remember it all as a lesson, bake a cake and eat. Oh! Yeah, my new found love – baking : )

What people say might eventually turn out to be not true. But then what if you do not believe in what people say, this might take away people who are honest to you because you will keep doubting them. So I guess, it’s better to trust people and get hurt than not trust them at all – who knows who is worth all this trust : )

2. You should never have regrets in life. Say what you feel. It’s better to look back at life and say: I must have been crazy to do that than say: I wish I did that. Saying what you feel isn’t an act of selfishness but an act of bravery. Take the risk! It will make you happy.

3. If anyone breaks your trust, then you’ll need time to be okay but then it’s definite that you will be okay.

4. There will be times when you’ll doubt if being a hardcore optimistic is good but trust me, it is not just good but it’s absobloodylutely awesome.

5. That person you see in the mirror, needs your love the most.

6. If you are ever uncertain about anything, leave. You are yet to reach a place where you’ll be hundred per cent sure and there’ll be no uncertainity.

7. You need someone who will lift you up. Who has as much drive and ambition as you do. Who wants to go to the places you want to go. Who will support you on the way there. Someone who isn’t jealous of your accomplishments, but praises them. Someone who isn’t looking to compete with you and that person is no one else but you : )

8. Never be afraid to say you messed up. It’s better to admit your faults than pretend you have none. Nobody is perfect.

9. From time to time, we are all unkind. At least, I know I am. In the heat of a moment, I forget that the person in front of me is wrestling with their own demons, trying to make it through the day; just trying to do their best. Sometimes I think we forget that the person we see in the mirror is trying to do their best too. And maybe if we learn to be kinder to ourselves, we’ll be kinder to others too.

10. Take a day off. Sometimes we need a day off especially if it just seems little disappointments keep knocking us to the ground. Many of us are much stronger than we think but there are days we will have where even getting out of bed seems like too much to ask. Just take a day off and do nothing but eat, sleep and watch TV. You’re a human being not a machine. Work is important and so is your own self.

11. I wonder at times, why couples break up or why marriages fail? And I just don’t get the answer. Are some problems even bigger than love between two people or is it not possible to stay in love with someone all your life? Won’t we make compromises/sacrifices/changes in our life to make it work? I guess, all we need is two people who are willing to stand by each other through every thick and thin of life. I still have no answer to the question that why some relationships don’t work out unless… I don’t know. I am yet to experience this phase.

12. STOP being judgmental. STOP!

13. Be a little more kind than you were yesterday.

14. Be thankful for everything and to everyone.

Wish you all a very happy new year! May your happiness quadruple in 2014 and you get to experience every joy that you’ve imagined : )

Love xoxo
Astha

Life was once magical and then I grew up!

When I was a child, I looked at life in total wonder and awe. Life was magical and exciting, and the smallest of things were utterly thrilling to me. I was fascinated by the birds singing, trees moving along with the car, a butterfly flittering through the air, stars shining bright at night. Parting with my tooth was also exciting, because it meant the Tooth Fairy would be visiting me that night when I would be sleeping and I would count days to that magical night of Christmas! I had no idea how Santa Claus could make so many kids around the world happy in one night, somehow he did it, and he had never let me down until I grew up and then my wishes could no more be put in the socks. I don’t know if my wishes have become unrealistic or may be, weird.

There were fairies in the garden, my dolls had personalities, Red Riding Hood was real and so was snow-white & the seven dwarfs, Alladin could fly on the carpet with Jasmine, I could have long hair like Rapunzel, my dolls celebrated their birthdays, dreams came true, moon was a relative, and I could not just touch the stars but also, keep them in my room. My imaginations had no limit and I believed that life was magical. I had an exquisite feeling that everything is good as a child and there’re no bad people. The only thing I knew was we all loved each other, there were no feelings like hatred and jealousy. The only things I disliked were spinach, bottle gourd and lady finger. I didn’t know what having a grudge against someone meant. I didn’t know what it was to hurt someone with words because everything I spoke was taken as cute, hilarious or childish. The innocence I once had is lost, now I understand those mean words which can rip you off. Then every word made my day, because all I knew was good people. Every new day meant more excitement and more adventure and that nothing could thwart my joy for the magic of it all.

But then I started to grow up, responsibilities, problems and difficulties took a toll over me, I became disillusioned and the magic I once believed in as a child faded and one day, it just disappeared. I guess, this is why I like or we like being with little kids because we see them enjoy like we once use to, even if it’s just for a moment. We see the joy on their face that once was there on ours. The only place I get to live my childhood is at home with my parents. No matter how old I get, I will always be little for them. They would still tell me when I first started to crawl or walk, how I didn’t cry on my first day to school, how I loved buying matching hair pins/clips, the first word I spoke, the first time I went to my grandparent’s place to spend my summer breaks when I was in Play School and how I refused to recognise my mom when I met her after a month. There were no worries then and there are no worries now but then what is it that makes life less magical than it was when I was little.

I am not sure now whether the magic I once believed in is true or it’s the disillusioned adult perspective of life that is false. I wish life was as breathtaking, awe-inspiring, and exciting as it was when I was little. When did I give up believing in the magic? I don’t even remember. Or I believed in it until sometime back. But how long back? I don’t know.  Life has become so stressful and busy that we don’t even remember when we stopped believing in the magic that once was everything to us. 

‘FAIR’ SHARE IN HUSBAND’s PROPERTY ON DIVORCE How fair?

Yes, the woman of 21^st century has changed. She can spread her wings and fly. If she doesn’t have the wings, she will look for the broom. But she will find out a way. We’re corny women of today. We do not sit and cry when things go wrong, we step out and get over it. We are educated – we deal with it in a better way. We laugh it off. We do not cry over the spilled wine. We just say – May God kick your ass in the best possible way. We don’t whine, we wine. We stand up for our men but we sit with our girlfriends.

The first time ever we are talking about wife’s share in husband’s property on divorce. The recent amendment is too vague. I know, we can never have a law which satisfies everyone. The harsh reality is that the inequality exists – the gender inequality and not in a particular strata of society but everywhere in some or the other way.

We are a country where we constantly talk about gender neutrality and progressive laws and we are on the brink of passing an extremely regressive law saying a woman needs financial security and in turn, we are jeopardising man’s social security and this would compromise his financial security as well putting the entire burden on a man. But then forget about property, women do not even get maintenance allowance in most of the cases.

Are we trying to make marriage a crime for men and women? We cannot rule out the possibility of educated and adulterous women get maintenance as well as get rid of the husband and live with someone else or marry someone else. When a man can leave you for another woman, so can a woman. Let’s accept it. Our newspapers are evidence of the fact that women have come out of that sati-savitri image and pati is no more a parmeshwar unless his name is Parmeshwar.

Now women will be getting a ‘fair’ share in the property of the husband on divorce. Let’s see if it’s actually a fair provision and to what extent when the exact quantum of compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge. Even if a woman decides to walk out from a few days marriage then she deserves a share in the property as much as a woman who gave herself to the relationship for 20 years. How fair is it for those women who made their marriage work for 20 or 30 long years and how fair is it for men to give away an equal share in their property to a woman who couldn’t stay for even few days? Unjust for both – men and women. This would open gates for women who want to misuse the law against their husbands. If the ancestral property cannot be divided then husband’s share should be calculated and wife should be given half the amount as compensation.  

And can you really compensate a woman for what she did for her husband and kids? Can you compensate for the love and care given in all those years? No matter how ambitious women of today are, we are women at the end of the day – we love men with all our heart and expect the same in return. We chase our dreams but we value relationships as well. I’m someone who doesn’t believe that it is only men who cheat in a relationship. We are all human. Anyone is capable of doing anything. Let’s not underestimate anyone.

Accept it or not, divorce is an emotional and financial disaster for most of the women.

Are we (women) really independent? Are we really equal or we just say it? Well, we aren’t. There are things which a woman can do but a man can’t and vice-versa. If we are really equal then husband also deserves a share in wife’s property. Ah! That’s nowhere mentioned. There can also be a case where wife has more to give than the husband.

This wasn’t enough - The Cabinet has also left it to the judge's discretion granting of divorce applied for under mutual consent after a three year period. There can be cases where when one party develops cold feet or changes his or her mind after applying for divorce under mutual consent clause. This can lead to unnecessary harassment of one party. So an amendment has been introduced to allow the judge to grant a divorce if one party does not appear in court.

India has widened grounds for divorce in last few decades. But the fact is that almost all Indian women experience a sharp fall in standard of living on separation and divorce. This has consistently been ignored by our policymakers. But now laws are coming to their rescue: For the first time ever, the nation is deliberating over legal changes that propose to accord women new equality with men on property rights and lifestyle post-divorce.

Those who say educated women shouldn’t be given any share. What about women who are educated and they are told to take care of their children because they are married in families financially well off. They don’t go out to work for 20 yrs. They just attend page 3 parties. What are they left with after divorce? Despite the qualification, no one would give them a job. Moreover, they also have to give up the kind of lifestyle that they got used to in the past few years.

The cabinet cleared amendments to the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010. It approved a provision ensuring compensation for the wife and children from the immovable property of the husband in case of a divorce, with the amount to be decided by the court. It also proposed to empower the courts to decide the compensation amount from the husband’s inherited and inheritable property for the wife and children once the marriage legally ends. A new section, 13 (f), has been added for this.

There had been disagreement over whether a woman should have right over property acquired by her husband after marriage only or over his inherited property too. Another proposal was approved by the Cabinet which gave woman the right to oppose her husband’s plea for divorce under “irretrievable breakdown of marriage” clause. The husband has not been given any such right.

A proposal to provide for a quick no-fault divorce after three years of separation was also approved. The proposal allows courts to exercise discretion in granting divorce after three years if one partner does not move a second joint application for divorce with mutual consent.

Live in relationships are also not an alternative as there also a women does not have any set responsibility or conduct. Women still get maintenance from their live-in boyfriends under the Domestic Violence Act. Their children get maintenance from him. Also if the woman decides to take revenge, this will invite rape charges against the man. Punishment for rape is even more stringent today after so many cases have been reported recently. Personally, I do not think live-in relationships are anyway a good idea. A man who loves you wouldn’t mind marrying you.

This is just going to make people resort to ways to hide their property by putting it in the name of other family members, people will find a way out and the woman will be denied her rightful share in her husband’s property.

This legislation is likely to rape men legally and financially. But like I said before - forget property, some women do not even get a maintenance allowance. This is a confused piece of legislation which has confused me. We are still where we were - nowhere. Let’s not forget that this is INDIA, there are n number of ways to not disclose income or property. All this is just going to entangle the woman in extended litigation involving the families as well. I don’t know if it’s fair or unfair but we need a law which is equitable for women without extorting anything from men.

(My personal views are mine. You’re entitled to your own opinion.)

END OF CIVILISATION

Mayans predicted the end of civilization on this Christmas. They were right. We can’t call ourselves civilized  We are a country of animals who so not believe that a woman is very much a human being, she too has a right to life. It's not just another incident, it's a trend our country is following. Where people were protesting against this incident in various parts of the country and demanding death sentence for the Rapists – another woman got raped by three men and was thrown somewhere in South Delhi after being raped. Right to Life – the basis of all other rights – Does our Government know that? I doubt. Their funda is ‘hear nothing, speak nothing and say nothing’. It’s a government of the people and by the people – we chose them. It’s a government for the people – it promotes rape. It’s not anybody’s failure. It’s our failure. Why are we blaming others? Putting a black dot of shame on profile pictures will not help. We need to take things more seriously. We brought this government into power. We will again bring them into power. We have women like Sonia Gandhi to take care of our nation. The woman who never broke her silence on any such incident and our Prime Minister – if you see him on Television, you will not be able to distinguish between his video and photo. He finally broke his maun vrat and said “for us to ensure that her death will not have been in vain”. Does that mean a person has to die to get justice else he/she will not be heard. Yes – for justice in India – first of all you have to die and then your soul has to wait for years until your criminal is sentenced to death. In our country, the victim is left to die and the criminals are fed in the jails. As long as we have such people in power – these incidents will never stop. Why are we just angry over Damini’s death? There are so many Daminis who die every day. There are so many of them who suffer in silence. So many cases go unreported. Doctors said 'she died peacefully'. Would you call it a peaceful death or a painful death? 

Our police is always sleeping when such a crime is taking place anywhere but becomes active when people start demanding justice by way of protests. The innocent protestors are driven away by force, tear gas is used on them, lathi blows are given to them. We should be so proud of our nation. We talk about culture and values – What do we call our culture? RAPE CULTURE. You can get raped but you can't protest against rape. This is world's largest democracy. 

The only solution that the government has is telling woman not to step out. They wouldn’t do anything about the safety and security of women. Rather these are the incidents where people or politicians in making try to gain popularity. They call the masses protesting as women coming ‘dented and painted’ who go from discos to demonstrations. They say – Candle march is a new fashion. Some say - Women should surrender because at least it would save their intestine. Some say – Dress up properly, don't tempt men. But then why are women wearing suits covering them from head to toe are raped. Where is it mentioned that women who dress in an attractive way or go to discos or go watch movies have less human rights available to them.  Where is it mentioned that women who are modern do not care about their modesty and give an invitation to men to rape them. Educated or uneducated, modern or conservative, attractive or not so attractive, high class or middle class, of any age has a right to step out of her house without the fear of violence. People who make such lame statements are the abettors. They too should be given the same punishment as rapists. Right of private defence is available to us but how easy it is for a woman to attack six men raping her. Women aren’t physically that strong.

Well, everyone is asking for death sentence for such rapists but I think death sentence isn't going to create any fear in the minds of such anti-social animals. It will be an easy death to such animals who don't fear anything. They need mind cleansing. All we can do is make arrangements for the safety and security for everyone and everyone includes everyone - women, children and men too! Little things will make a lot of difference like

1. Women and children should be dropped till their house. 

2. No woman should be asked to stay at the workplace beyond her working hours. 
3. Police should change its behaviour - they are the ones we fear more so we don't approach them whenever we face any such incident of eve-teasing. Half of the rapes take place in police custody by the policemen. The way police officers behave should be really checked. 

4. Everyone should respect women because our kids are going to learn from what we teach them. If we do not show respect for our fellow beings then they will never.

5. Keep a pepper spray with you.

6. Inform your parents when going out late at night. If you tell parents that you have to attend a party and you would get late - they understand. My parents do. Parents don't have a problem if you go for night outs - all they are worried about is your safety. Avoid taking autos. Cabs are much safer (That's what I feel). Note down the number and send it to your sibling/friend/parents. Keep their number on speed dial.

and yeah, totally irrelevant to mention here but I would - there's no such thing as peer pressure - Do not drink or smoke if you don't feel like - just because your friends do it - nobody can force you to take up things you don't want to - they would still accept you and they would still love you. Going to Clubs doesn't mean you have to take up drinking and smoking - you have a choice and choice means that it's going to be your decision. 

I would call these people animals and not human but then even we are at fault. We too should act responsible. Because Govt. will not be affected. It's our life which will be ruined. It’s not bad to get westernised. But westernisation means adopting good things from the western culture. I was never a supporter of live-in relationships. Our country did promote live-in relationships where half of them result in sexual violence and men are free to walk out any time they feel like. A man who loves you wouldn’t mind taking out a day from his busy schedule to get married to you. There are so many other things that are not working out for a nation like ours. 

Shame on all of us who be a witness to eve-teasing and other such incidents and do nothing at that moment to  help women. We are to be blamed equally. We promote these animals. It’s a wake up call for our government and for us too. Otherwise female infanticide would again be the only option for parents as this will be the only way to protect their daughters. Hope our government wakes up soon. But till then we should take measures for our own safety. Such trauma can never be undone. The one who faces it, knows better than all of us. The girl has not died. She has gone to another place where she'll be safe and never be raped again.

Hope 2013 and all the coming years bring with it safety and security of all the citizens.
Wish you all a happy and a safe new year! May you and your loved ones be showered with lots of love and happiness. 

They say - Dress properly. Don’t tempt men.

Are we waiting for a super-hero to save us?

A batman or spiderman or our very own bollywood’s creation - Krishh.

We need to wake up.

No one will come to rescue us.

It’s not a bollywood movie going on where villains are raping the heroine.

Someone’s life is at stake.

Every time a heinous crime like gang rape is reported, we sit in front of the TV whole day. That has not helped so far in any way. We need to raise our voice. Why? Because anyone of us can be the next victim.

Candle march for 2-3 days after such an incident takes place isn't going to prevent crime. We should fight till we get justice. Show these so called men that we aren't the weaker sex - No means No. 

And yeah, carry Pepper Spray. Learn to hit them real hard. 

They say - Dress properly. Don’t tempt men.

Learn to dress properly. Rape will decline. And what not.

People get punished for writing status messages on facebook but not for making such statements. We live in a country where we have freedom of speech and expression. Complete freedom with no restrictions is only given to people who run our country. They can say whatever they want to - be it right or wrong. 

They need to be told that no matter what women wear, women don’t deserve to be raped.

A woman’s skirt is not an invitation for a man to rape her.

When a four year old is raped in our country, who do we blame – her clothes? Is it because a four year old was not decently dressed?

Don’t tell me that women who wear salwar suits are not raped.

The problem isn’t with what women wear. The problem is with what lies inside a human brain. The dirty human mind full of ugly thoughts which become his actions – the shameful actions.

When you cannot justify your behaviour then blame women for wearing improper clothes but never blame these men for having done such disgraceful act because he a man and he can do whatever he wants to. After all, it’s a man’s world.

You really want to know who is at fault – The parents who brought them up, The teachers who taught them and The friends who encouraged them. You people are abettors.

Making laws stringent will not help. We already have laws.

A law cannot do mind cleansing. A law cannot teach you values. A law cannot teach you to respect women.

It’s never too late to stand up for what is right.

Hope justice prevails and the victim survives.

June - whattay taxing month!

I was just cogitating upon the meaning of life and that reminded me of my blog. Hope you all are doing great. Life’s treating me pretty well and not so well at the same time as of late, am juggling with too many things and too little time to handle it all together – PhD entrance tests, interviews and what not. Few days back I was calling myself a clinomaniac but good days don’t last long and these days am up with the birds, rather am forced to get up early being at home. By 5:00 am, am on the track for running. This isn’t it – healthy diet that my parents have imposed on me. Your immense love for food only grows when you are asked to stay away from pizzas, lasagne, chocolate mousse and blah blah. Chicken Lasange reminds me of Hyderabad – Ten Downing Street : ) How much I miss the place. Ah! Gluttony is a deadly sin. My kids are going to be fat and lazy.

June has been quite taxing and to make it worse, super-hot. I thought after submitting my dissertation that I have crossed one hurdle but to my disappointment, we were all made to submit it again as per the new guidelines. By the end of the re-submission, I was totally enervated physically and mentally. But the major thing was still pending – the Viva : ) I was quite perplexed about the kind of questions that will be asked – gave me countless sleepless nights because I had no option but to do well. I kept reminding myself that no human is Omni competent. Finally 15^th June arrived, all I was hoping for was a scintillating viva though I was getting that jumpy feeling like the one I use to get before the exams in school days. Lot of people who came out of the viva room were cagey about what happened inside. My viva went on for good 30 minutes. I was satisfied and my dissertation was liked by the external interviewer. I came out of the room palpitating with joy. How could it all end without a good lunch and shopping : ) Btw, it was donuts day too! : ) I had my favourite double trouble.

Double Trouble on a Donuts Day! : )

By the way, am bubbling with excitement to share something with you – I am done with my Masters (LL.M.) and that too with a Gold Medal : ) I was totally geeked when I heard the result. I broke my neck to get here. But in the end, it’s all worth : ) The credit goes to my family, teachers and friends for always believing in me and for putting up with my terrible mood swings which I use to get being under pressure.

I thought after LL.M. would be over – I would take a much needed long vacation to Goa with friends but then it isn’t the right time :D I planned to join Salsa classes and what not before the viva but as they say, things never go as per your plan. It is not the time to swerve from the chosen path. The thought of entrance tests and interviews lined up soon is a great goad for me to work hard. I am full of grandiose ambitions for the future. Time to pull up my socks as these lackadaisical efforts are not going to get me anywhere. My preparation for the tests is still in its embryonic stage so I better forget about the holiday in Goa.

Btw, it might just rain tonight. The joy of a coffee and desserts with friends on a rainy day is what I’m going to miss. Oh! Yeah, I have fallen in love with this track from Cocktail – Jag mujhpe lagaye pabandi, main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki : ) The beat of the music is strangely hypnotic. With such hopeless movies releasing in the past few weeks, all I did was watch few at home – We bought a zoo ( a cute one), Click and Almost Famous. What I am desperately waiting for is a good movie to release but this time for a change I’m going to watch a Punjabi movie – Jatt & Juliet which is releasing on this friday. Will come up with review soon : )

Have a rocking day tomorrow! : )